Priorities

Things I am not, will not and have no intention of doing:

Catering to your whims.
Wanting us all to get along like tiny children at some insipid village celebration.
Indulge in drunken foolishness.
Enjoy song, dance or anything remotely to do with bards.

Should I act in such a manner in the future, I place my trust in at least one of you having the good sense to render me unconscious.

'Twas a most troubling turn of events, indeed...